Breathe Me
by OfTransformersAndAnime
Summary: Set After City of Fallen Angels. Alec hates himself for letting  Magnus's past get in his way. Magnus doesn't know how to ask him for help, so he battles it all alone. He comes home to something he can't fix and his past scares him. Warning: Self-Abuse!


He never had done it before and he watched the blood run onto Magnus's kitchen floor. His heart was racing and his mouth was dry. Why did he do it? Why did he not just pick up his cell and cry for Magnus? Of course the warlock would have come home to him. He found his words choked in his throat. Why did Magnus's past have to come between them? But cruel words pointed out he had been the one to make it so, Magnus had never done such a thing. He felt he didn't deserve Magnus after that.

Magnus unlocked his front door. He was tired and was battling it all alone. He didn't know how to ask for help. A fact he was currently cursing. Why didn't he just tell Alec everything? He was going to be all alone either way. He stopped and looked at Alec. He didn't see it at first, he was simply too tired. He blinked and noticed Alec sitting on the floor. He walked over to him and he then noticed the deep cuts. Magnus felt his world crashing down, flashes of finding his mother hanging hit him hard.

He tried to steady his breathing and sat beside Alec. When did they both get this broken and damaged? He wondered. Alec just cried, he had never broken down in front of anyone. Magnus smiled abit sadly as he held Alec's wrist. He didn't know how to find the words to fix this, he knew it was his fault. Unable to handle this on his own, he settled for a poorly taste joke. "You get into a fight with my cat again..?" Magnus asked softly, offering Alec a chance to lie to him or show he trusted him. Alec shook his head and clung to Magnus. Magnus sighed in relief and held him with one arm as he healed the marks.

" Why did you do this, Alec?" he asked. "I don't know..I..just..did…" he mumbled into Magnus's chest. "Alec, it's going to be okay…she won't come after us..and we can just over look it..alright?" Magnus said softly. "it's my fault she is even free…" Alec said. "how so? You were right next to me at the party, there's no way you can be in 2 places at once, silly. Not even I can do that. Although it would be cool. Have three of me…one for work, one for cleaning and one to do all the fun stuff." He said. Alec laughed despite himself and felt Magnus had a point. "I don't know if the world could handle 3 of you…Jace can't even handle one of you" Alec pointed out. "please, jace can't even handle acting his age. I'm the lease of his problems" Magnus said.

Alec walked down the stairs. He was towel drying his hair after taking a shower to wash the traces off of him. He wanted Magnus to hate him for telling her go at the church. He had expected Magnus to tell him to get out and never come back again. Instead Magnus had looked alittle sad and only told him not to seek immortality anymore. Though he had said it softly, Alec could hear the begging in his tone, he wondered how close he had come to crying and Magnus didn't cry. He talked trash and drowned himself in make-up and high priced outfits so nobody could see how broken of a man he was.

He smelled the hot coco and smiled. Magnus was slowly learning how to do some things by hand. He stood in the door and tried to cover his laugh. Only Magnus would consider pancakes and hot coco a valid meal for supper. But it did make him feel loved. He walked over to his boyfriend and needy slipped his arms around his thin waist. Magnus smiled at the touch. He didn't know how to handle his past but right now he wanted to live in this century and move onto better things with Alec.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Yay I'm not done writing. I am so deeply behind on my transformers fanfics..I am so sorry! I'm going though a rough patch emotionlly so..yeah. I wrote this while listening to Sia - Breathe me. It's been abit since I read City of Fallen Angels, so I dont know if Magnus knew what Alec did..so I hope I didn't get that wrong. I'm going to try to write abit more, okay?**


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